Filed under: Body-Inclusive Psychotherapy, Counseling, Healing, Imagination, Jung, LGBT, LGBTQ, Psychotherapy, Somatic Experiencing, Somatic Therapy, Spirituality, tragedy, Trauma, Uncategorized
Many years ago, my husband and I worked on a small movie project that involved reshooting and editing some of the scenes. Inspired by that experience, I view life as a movie with the opportunity to reshoot and edit some of the upsetting or disappointing scenes. The editing tool is our imagination. Life experiences can consist of traumatic or tragic scenes, but we don’t have to live in the shadow of our tragedies. As Peter Levine, the founder of Somatic Experiencing stated, “Trauma is a fact of life, but it doesn’t have to be a life sentence.”
With the help of our imagination, we can come up with an alternative to any unsettling life experience. Since these events impact the nervous system, the most important part of this work is noticing how the body responds to the new take along with the bodily sensations that can arise. Noticing how our body responds to a positive replica of an event can help embody a new relationship to the original experience. Many of us have heard how changing our thinking about a situation can impact the intensity of it. This is a similar concept except we work with the imagination along with the inner sensations and any unresolved excess energy within the nervous system. Stephen Porges’, Bessel van der Kolk’s, and Peter Levine’s research and writings have significantly reworked my understanding of how the nervous system responds to threat and trauma. As a result of studying their work, I have gained more respect for the body especially the autonomic nervous system (ANS).
Since our life tragedies live in the body, they can be experienced as unpleasant sensations. For example, it is not uncommon for people with unhealed trauma to experience sensations such as tightness, freezing, heaviness, tension, shaking or others in their body. Some people that I have worked with have reported the bodily experience of “spacious” in the chest area or a sense of vitality after modifying the original unpleasant event in their imagination. Through my training in Somatic Experiencing, I have been learning about the importance of tracking bodily sensations that often come up during one’s healing journey. In general, this tracking involves paying attention to sensations within the nervous system and distinguishing between pleasant and unpleasant ones. In my experience, the more we bring pleasant sensations to our focus, the more regulated our nervous system can become. Using the imagination to take bad memories and form something new along with embracing pleasant sensations is the royal road to regulating our nervous system.
It is important to note that using our imagination for healing purposes needs to be done with the help of a professional who has training in healing trauma. We need to make sure that there is a trained person available in case we become overwhelmed by the imagination and can’t cut it off. Different approaches work for different people, and there is no one size fits all when it comes to therapy. It is empowering when we offer people choices regarding interventions and healing modalities.
When we use our imagination to edit some of the painful scenes in our history, we can experience more mastery over situations that we felt powerless at the time. Imagination as the Sufi mystic Inayat Khan explained “is the stream that feeds the fountain of your mind.” Many people do not tap into the current of this stream and nourish their mind and body with its healing energy. By using our imagination to rewrite some of our life events, we can become an active player and connect with abilities and potencies that we may not have experienced previously. Our imagination can also be utilized in any current situation where we experience powerlessness. We can use it to create a solution or coping strategy for any life challenges we encounter. As Bessel van der Kolk stated, “Imagination gives us the opportunity to envision new possibilities—it is an essential launchpad for making our hopes come true.”
One way of editing our life story is by choosing an unhappy scene from our experience, and just like a movie director, use our imagination and reshoot the scene. Most of our life events have a beginning, middle, and end. We can choose a segment and change the scene to how we wished it had happened. For some, changing the beginning of an event makes more sense and for others modifying the middle or the end feels better. How and what to modify with the intention of creating an alternative scene is a very personal decision.
I once worked with an actor who felt devastated after learning his part in a popular television series was suddenly cut. The producer ended his role by having him killed in one of the episodes. He felt incredibly sad for not being in that show anymore. Sharing and receiving empathy along with grieving for the loss of his role was helpful but not enough. He still had difficulty feeling confident to pursue his acting career. At some point in our work, I invited him to imagine a different take from what had happened. A scene that was completely opposite to the original painful experience. Before starting the re-imagining, I encouraged him to find a comfortable position and notice how his back was touching the couch. Bringing his awareness to sensations that were comfortable in his body helped him be in the present moment in a relaxed way. It is important to be grounded in the present moment when doing this work. While he was imagining a more pleasant alternative to his original devastating experience, he noticed his body became infused with a pleasant warm sensation along with a change in his breathing and a delightful smile appeared on his face. As he was sharing how the exercise was helping him not to feel stuck, he was making a movement with his hands that seemed meaningful. By inviting him to notice the movement, he realized talking about letting go of defeat led to opening of his clinched fist. As he was noticing the movement and slowing it down, he started to sense some tingling in his hands. Something began to change for him in that moment that words could not describe. As Carl Jung stated, “Often the hands know how to solve a riddle with which the intellect has wrestled in vain.” In our follow up meeting, he reported feeling less bothered by the loss of his acting job and more relaxed in his body. He also felt more confident showing up for auditions.
Offering this approach to people has been very interesting. There is a level of unpredictability that makes the process adventurous. I never know how the person is going to re-imagine a scene or what the imagination is going to offer. For some people who are spiritually grounded, I have noticed they tend to receive an offering from their imagination in forms of helpful figures, guides or healing images. For example, one of the refugees from the Middle East who came to deal with his war trauma noticed the appearance of his beloved Sufi teacher who offered him a protective shield made of glowing light. Receiving the shield from his spiritual teacher gave him an “incredible sense of safety” that he had never experienced before. His body was mirroring his imaginal experience with a sense of calmness and relaxation. Having experienced war and other trauma, he often felt nervous in his body. His imagination became an important healing resource by offering him an experience that was in contradiction to the tension he often carried in his body. Every time he imagined the protective shield, he immediately felt safe.
Many people who talk about distressing life experiences in therapy are never given the opportunity to work with the experience in the arena of their imagination. The sky is the limit when it comes to using our imagination to work with any life scenarios. I recently met a gay man who felt traumatized growing up gay in a religious small town. All his past therapy consisted of sharing about his trauma and making the feelings associated with it more conscious. It was important and useful for him to address those feelings and have regard for them. He told me he was done addressing them. He wanted something different than talking about his trauma. Since he was very much into comic books growing up, he imagined one of his favorite comic book heroes rescuing him from this oppressive homophobic environment. The experience felt so real in his body. He had never experienced so much aliveness in a therapy session that involved dealing with his traumas of growing up gay in a homophobic and heterosexist world. For the first time in his life, he experienced the freedom to use his imagination for the purpose of changing what he could not change as a child. He was not in denial about the horror he experienced. For once in his life, he began to feel the opposite of the trauma. A safe therapeutic space can help people to imagine their painful history in a completely different way. Scenes can be added, deleted, modified with a different ending.
Our life traumas or tragedies are not just mental concepts. They are part of our bodily memories that can impact our nervous system. As Peter Levine stated, “Trauma is not in the event, but in the nervous system.” There are many paths toward healing those upsetting life experiences that has kept our nervous system dysregulated. By working with a licensed professional who has training in “body-inclusive therapy”, we can work on healing our nervous system from unresolved traumas. Our imagination can be a very powerful resource and an ally in this process. Trauma does not have to have the last word.
© Dr. Payam Ghassemlou MFT, Ph.D. is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (Psychotherapist), and a SE student in private practice in West Hollywood, California. www.DrPayam.com
Filed under: Body-Inclusive Psychotherapy, Counseling, Gay Therapy, Jung, LGBT, LGBTQ, Mindfulness, Somatic Experiencing, Somatic Therapy | Tags: #somatic, Gay, LGBT, meditation, Psychology, Psychotherapy
Becoming Our Own Protective Container
By
Payam Ghassemlou Ph.D.
As human beings, we need a sense of safety. We can’t thrive without it. Given the current sociopolitical circumstances in America, many of us don’t feel safe. As a gay man, it doesn’t make me feel secure when I witness the dismantling of our LGBTQ+ rights by homophobic politicians. Since the mental health of the individual and sociopolitical factors are deeply intertwined, no wonder we are seeing more anxiety, depression, panic attacks, and suicide than ever before.
At times like this we need to learn to become our own protective container. A vessel in which to settle ourselves and access our sense of safety. Luckily, we all have a protective container, which is our body. Our body has amazing protective and healing potentials. We just need to learn how to access it. A settled body can be a resource to contain us during turbulent times. By learning how to work with touch, breath, movement, gesture, form, and their accompanying sensations, we can tap into our somatic resources. We can also notice and work with images and meanings that emerge when working with our body-based resources. Working with these resources not only help us to ground ourselves but also to manage stress and feel empowered. They can also lead to a physically felt experience of self and well-being. For example, noticing and following our breath with the intention to connect with our physical body is one way to access our somatic resources. Awareness of breath is the most accessible way to the present moment, and one of the fundamental teaching of many spiritual paths. Witnessing the journey of the out-breath and the return of the breath back into our body can be a grounding experience. I often notice, when I mindfully pay attention to the space in between the out-breath and in-breath, I am more grounded and present in my body. Being grounded and present in my body help me respond more effectively to challenging situations. It is the opposite of being impulsive and reactionary.
As more research on utilizing somatic therapy is showing positive results with self-regulation and healing, we are entering an era of somatic technology. An era of turning to our somatic resources as a starting point for healing. Many of us associate technology with complicated devices outside of ourselves. In fact, somatic technology can be a set of practices and methods that rely on our natural bodily resources and is accessible to everyone. Such technology is based on our own somatic wisdom and awareness in the service of healing and growth.
Somatic technology that works with bodily resources might help humanity to evolve. We were not always human beings. We evolved from sea creatures to something else. Then some million years after that, we became human beings. The journey continues, and we evolve again. Perhaps, working with somatic resources within ourselves, and learning to settle ourselves in our body is how we are contributing to this journey of human evolution. Perhaps, each time we settle ourselves in our body, we are designing ourselves in a new way.
I have gained more respect for the body as I am learning more about its amazing functions. For example, our body comes with already built in autonomic nervous system (ANS) that provides many vital functions. The ANS is the part of the nervous system that governs the fight, flight, or freeze instinct and is responsible for many unconscious bodily functions such as breathing, digesting food, and regulating the heart rate. It also plays an important role of supplying information from our organs to our brain. In addition, the ANS plays an enormous role in helping us experience safety. Once regulated, our ANS can help our body settle and make it easier to tap into our power and resist toxic stuff like discrimination based on sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, gender, class, and more. It is also easier to handle many other stressful situations that can overwhelm us. When I experience prejudice based on my gayness or my status as an immigrant in the United States, I notice how my body gets activated. Noticing and working with my body’s activation and willingness to ask for support from other empathic people is a starting point to take back my power in such circumstances. Having somatic tools to deal with activation helps to regulate my nervous system and become my own protective container.
For some of us, the biggest challenge on having a “body-inclusive approach” toward becoming our own container is the difficulty experiencing a sense of safety in our bodies. Since our ANS is shaped by our life experience, having a history of unresolved trauma or dealing with a current overwhelming situation can negatively influence our ANS’s ability to help us feel safe. Stephen Porges’, Bessel van der Kolk’s, and Peter Levine’s research and writings have significantly reworked my understanding of how the nervous system responds to threat and trauma. We now know the ANS can become dysregulated due to the thwarted responses of fight, flight, or freeze in the aftermath of trauma. Relying on neuroception, a term coined by Porges, the ANS helps our body to differentiate between safety, danger, and a life threat. Neuroception is automatic. It does not go through thinking. Everything from sound to smell to temperature in our environment, people’s tone of voice, and eye contact can influence our neuroception. Neuroception is like a “guardian angel” that helps us take immediate action in the face of danger or threat. Its goal is to keep us safe and alive. When neuroception does not function properly due to unhealed traumas, it can make us feel unsafe even where there is no real threat.
We can’t become our own protective container without knowing how to claim our body from our unhealed traumas. Trauma is not only about the bad things that happen to us but also what we keep inside as a reaction to those things. According to Peter Levine, the founder of Somatic Experiencing, trauma is more about “what we hold inside in the absence of an empathic witness.” Resmaa Menakem, the author of My Grandmother’s Hands states, “Our bodies exist in the present. To our thinking brain, there is past, present, and future, but to a traumatized body there is only now. That now is the home of intense survival energy.” Such intense survival energy, left undone, can keep our body in a stressful state of trauma response. Therefore, much of the healing from our traumas need to happen through the body. In particular, the nervous system needs to be regulated. As Peter Levine stated, “Trauma is not in the event, but in the nervous system.”
Jungian psychology talks about the shadow, the dark side of the personality that sometimes the conscious mind is avoiding. Even though the shadow can also be a positive aspect of us, not dealing with it can cause anguish. Incorporating this concept here, we can say our body has a shadow too. From a somatic perspective, the shadow can be the incomplete bodily responses that have been trapped in the body and not been dealt with. In other words, our nervous system is designed to help our body get mobilized and deal with threatening situations. When our body is ready to respond to a threat and there is not enough time or resources for our body to complete its natural protective responses, what ended up happening is our body gets stuck with intense survival energy. When our body does not release this survival energy, it stays trapped in our nervous system and dysregulates it. Not addressing the body’s shadow, our bodily responses that are trapped, can lead to many physical and emotional problems including nightmares, “too many accidents,” and number of medical problems with no logical explanation. Many somatic therapists, in particular, trained Somatic Experiencing Practitioners (SEPs), can offer techniques to help people with the release of a trapped trauma response and the regulation of the nervous system. It is important to use a body inclusive approach to healing with the guidance of trained professionals who have formal training in somatic modality.
In her book, Polyvagal Theory in Therapy, Deb Dana discusses Stephen Porges’s theory and makes Polyvagal Theory more accessible for clinicians who wish to apply it to their clinical practice. She explains how the ANS responds to sensations in the body and signals from the environment through three pathways of response: “ventral vagus, sympathetic nervous system, and dorsal vagus.” These pathways can impact our participation in life, and how we cope with many situations including sociopolitical factors.
When it comes to healing our body from trauma and regulating our nervous system, we have an ally called the ventral vagus. Accessing the health, growth, and restoration resources of the ventral vagus system, we can support our personal growth. Deb Dana discusses how being firmly grounded in our ventral vagus pathway can help our body to feel safe and our social engagement system to come online. When the body feels safe and our social engagement system is not overwhelmed with distressing sensations, it is easier to connect with people, nature, our pets, ourselves, our spiritual path, and the present moment. As explained earlier, the quality of our breathing can influence our ANS and support ventral vagus activity. For example, slow conscious breathing can increase the parasympathetic tone. That is why the awareness of breath is an important practice to regulate the ANS. Also, since the nervous system becomes what it senses, by meditating on pleasant sensations of warmth, tenderness and aliveness, we can recruit ventral vagus activity, and shape the nervous system not only toward safety and security, but also love. We can become a container for love when we embody our pleasant sensations as we notice a loving experience.
Our sympathetic system (“stress response” or “fight or flight response”) gets activated in response to danger. Many of us who don’t feel safe in America are often in a state of sympathetic activation. Ongoing sympathetic activation can be dangerous for our body due to increased production of the stress hormone cortisol. Learning to turn our body into a vessel of protection through regulating our ANS, we can be more effective in pushing back against dark forces in America. Such dark forces are trying to strip our civil liberties. We need more than ever to settle in our protective container and connect to our sense of aliveness.
As mentioned earlier, there is a dark side to our nervous system. The physiology behind it involves the dorsal vagus working in partnership with fear. Dorsal vagus is another nervous system pathway that when it works in partnership with the ventral vagus can help us among many things, to pray, meditate, sleep, relax, and make love. When dorsal vagus is activated with intense fear, it can throw the body into a freeze state. It is difficult to become one’s own container and fight oppression when the body remains in dorsal vagus shut down mode. This is one reason why healing from trauma can contribute to our effort to protect our democracy.
The world in its current state needs more love. The body can become the container for this love. Just like a watermelon has a protective shell to house its sweetness, our body is home to the sweetness of our soul. Inayat Khan described the body as “a garment of the soul.” This garment needs our help to settle as our soul journey continues. Our body can help deepen our relationship to our soul when we focus on love and kindness during meditation.
With one nervous system at a time, we can learn to release the effect of our unresolved trauma which often blocks our movement toward wholeness and redeem our aliveness. Increased somatic awareness can help people not stay frozen in oppressive political circumstances and march toward liberation. As Nietzsche stated, “There is more wisdom in your body than in your deepest philosophy.” This wisdom is real because “the body never lies.”
© Dr. Payam Ghassemlou MFT, Ph.D. is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (Psychotherapist), in private practice in West Hollywood, California. http://www.DrPayam.com
Filed under: Counseling, LGBT, Psychotherapy | Tags: #Psychotherapy #Success
Goal Oriented Psychotherapy Practice
By
Payam Ghassemlou Ph.D.
There are number of ways to conduct psychotherapy sessions that can be helpful in meeting the client’s needs and matches the therapist’s style. A goal oriented psychotherapy practice which utilizes a goal setting method is one way to practice psychotherapy. This is a collaborative process that clarifies what the client would like to accomplish during his or her psychotherapy process. Goal setting also helps with constructing a vision of life as it relates to each person’s unique circumstances. Some goals relate to the betterment of one’s external life such as career, finances, education, relationship, and health. Other goals can be about exploring one’s inner world and working toward inner balance, deepening the relationship with the Self, accessing one’s creativity, healing from trauma, and improving mood. These are small examples of common goals clients bring to their psychotherapist which can add clarity to the process.
In general, working on establishing decisive goals for one’s life can help increase motivation and avoid getting lost. People often feel more motivated in life when they have a sense of purpose, and goal setting can give them such a sense. In addition to helping with motivation, goal setting can improve self-confidence. It affirms the fact that one’s life is worthy to have goals, and the attainment of them helps believing in oneself. I find it extremely rewarding when my clients express joy for progressing toward their goals or attaining them.
Writing down goals in positive language, practicing patience in achieving them, and keeping them manageable for the client are part of the goal setting process. Establishing goals in an affirmative manner can help generate positive emotion to support their attainment. Also, while practicing patience avoids unrealistic expectations in attainment of one’s goals, the process needs to be time-bound. Since every client’s circumstances are unique, it is important to respect people’s time table while collaborating with them in creating target dates. Moreover, goals need to be manageable to avoid making the client feel overwhelmed. The more specific the goal the more manageable it becomes. In some cases, it is important to help the client prioritize their objectives and work on one goal at the time.
Therapists can help clients feel less alone in achieving their goals. This can be done by working with them to identify resources in their lives and in their communities. I often find it helpful to provide a list of community resources to clients who have difficulty obtaining them. For example, a client who is unemployed and can’t afford accessing the internet might find it useful to know about the free internet access at the West Hollywood library.
Finally, those individuals who have difficulty setting decisive goals can benefit from depth oriented psychotherapy which tends to look for unconscious elements that can get in the way of having a clear direction in life. I find helping people to understand their life challenges on a deeper level very useful. No one deserves to feel shame for his or her difficulty in establishing clear goals and having empathy for such struggle is essential. When it comes to practicing psychotherapy, one size does not fit all. Therapists can be flexible in offering modalities that meet the client where they are.
© PayamGhassemlou MFT Ph.D. is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (Psychotherapist) in private practice in West Hollywood, California. www.DrPayam.Com
Filed under: Uncategorized
When the Need for Connection Trumps Authenticity
By Payam Ghassemlou, Ph.D.
As a baby, you were an authentic being. Your laughter and tears were real. You were also helpless and depended on your caregivers for survival. Your caregivers had an important role in helping you feel securely connected to and loved by them. The depth and genuineness of your current connection with others stems from how successfully your caregivers managed their role as an attachment figure. This complex interplay between the quality of attachment formed between a child and a caregiver and one’s current ability to form significant connections with others has been discussed extensively by many experts in psychology, including Dr. Gabor Mate. In one of his talks, Mate has discussed how the need for attachment can trump authenticity. When as a small child, your survival depended on your caregivers, you were more likely to do whatever it took to stay connected to them even if it meant hiding your true feelings. For example, if your caregivers did not approve of your genuine expressions of anger or sadness, most likely you hid them in favor of pleasing or staying connected to your caregivers. In other words, for the sake of survival you had to choose attachment over authenticity.
The impasse of being real versus the need for survival continues into adolescence and creates a unique challenge for gay youth and others who did not flow with the mainstream. As a LGBTQ youngster, if you felt unsafe to express your real essence, you probably had to create a fake or “straight acting” identity to protect yourself from homophobic mistreatment. The need to hide contributed to the dilemma of choosing survival over authenticity. It is important to have empathy for your struggle of growing up in a heterosexist and homophobic environment that made it scary for you to express your true essence. It is important for many LGBTQ people to learn how to honor their true essence and work on healing years of oppressive homophobic mistreatment. The price of not individuating is summed up by a quote by Oscar Wilde, “Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”
Being real and authentic can be a struggle if you spent most of your childhood finding expression of authenticity as a threat to your survival. What helped you to survive as a child may not serve you today. Relying on the old survival mechanism of pleasing others has become a barrier to be fully present in your significant relationships with others. The process of letting go of such a survival mechanism in favor of honoring your true self involves psychological labor of reaching out to your younger self. The inner child is the part of you that was forced to hide and not show his or her genuine feelings. This part of you needs help to connect with others without the mask of pretending or people pleasing.
In summary, since your ability to be authentic with yourself and others has a lot to do with how you were treated growing up, it makes sense to examine how your past impacts your life today. Psychotherapy can help you not only to heal from childhood mistreatment that can hinder building healthy relationships with others, but also other major life events that contributes to such problems.
© Payam Ghassemlou MFT Ph.D. is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (Psychotherapist) in private practice in West Hollywood, California. www.DrPayam.Com
Filed under: Uncategorized
Embrace Your Inner Stories to Build Your Career as an Artist
By
Life without art is like a blank canvas. Artists add color to our lives with the genius of their creativity. They inspire us, make us laugh, and add meaning to our lives. They also bring awareness to social justice issues that affect us all. Great literature, films, live performances, poetry, music, paintings, drawings, sculptures, documentaries, acting, comedy, blogging, fashion, design, photography, and other art forms come from the hard work of artists. Many of these artists sacrifice a secure, conventional lifestyle and go through a great deal of financial hardship in order to make art. Without their sacrifice, many great pieces of art would never be produced. Artists deserve appreciation for enriching our lives, but they are often criticized for their choice of career and for not flowing with the mainstream. Such lack of support can add more suffering to their lives.
As an artist, you can benefit from understanding how to navigate the challenging journey of working in the creative field. There are many sources to aid in such understanding. One of the most accessible ways to build creativity is to listen to your own inner stories. Your inner stories can be found by paying attention to your inner dialogues or self talk, dreams you have at night, the contents of your fantasies and imagination, intuitive messages, and the sensations in your body. In this brief article, I will discuss how the way you relate to your art and your path as an artist can be influenced by your inner stories, and how working with them can add vitality to your artistic journey. It is best to approach your inner stories in the context of psychotherapy in order to avoid becoming overwhelmed by what you might encounter. A psychotherapist who has experience and training working with the art community can be helpful companion on your journey.
Let’s start by bringing awareness to what you are telling yourself about your creative process. You might notice your internal dialogues consist of comparing yourself to others who are more successful. For example, when you say to yourself, “My work is not as good as my friend who just got a job as a staff writer for an HBO show,” you can discourage yourself from becoming a prosperous artist. Comparing yourself to others who are more successful in their artistic careers is a recipe for triggering feelings of internal shame and inadequacy. These feelings of inferiority can discourage you from pursuing your path as an artist. Everyone’s path is unique, and there is no need to compare yours to others. Your mind, like the magic lamp, can be illuminated by the creativity of your inner genie. But your creative genie can stay locked up inside your pessimistic self talk if you don’t stop the negative chatter box.
Be creative with how you deal with discouraging negative self talk. You can find inspiration in the story of Aladdin and the Magic Lamp when it comes to dealing with life’s obstacles. As soon as you notice your negative dialogue, say, “Abracadabra,” and let the genie out of the bottle of pessimistic story-making. Do some sort of creative work or say positive affirmations about your creative career. Like Aladdin, turn your life into an amazing odyssey and defeat the sorcerer of negative thinking. Sometimes the habit of negative self talk has to do with a deeply held belief system that you acquired as a result of growing up in a less-than-optimal family environment. With a help of an experienced therapist, you can uncover the root of such dysfunctional belief systems that give rise to negative self talk and undermine your confidence in your career as an artist.
A powerful source of self-understanding and becoming a more conscious artist can come from paying attention to the dreams you have at night. Some of your dreams can shed light on your struggle with your creative career. When you wake up in the morning, write down what you dreamt about in your dream journal. By analyzing your dreams with the help of a trained person, you can learn about the content of your unconscious. Working with the unconscious is important because within the unconscious resides creative potential and the answers to many of your life’s mysteries. Dream work can also deepen your relationship with yourself. It is an important way to honor your unconscious. Inner Work, a book by Robert Johnson, is inspired by Carl Jung’s teachings and describes a helpful process of how to understand dreams. Many people have found this book to be a helpful introduction to working with the unconscious.
How you fantasize and imagine your place in the world of art is going to impact your relationship to your creative career. This relationship can be contaminated by the images of failure you might hold in your mind about your journey as an artist. You need your imagination to help you create art – not fear. Using your imagination to worry about your creative path is not the best use of your creativity. Practice mindfulness as a way to avoid getting caught in the negative contents of your mind. In the 1960s, Thich Nhat Hanh brought mindfulness to the attention of Westerners. A variety of mindfulness practices exist today. Many of them were inspired by teachings from the East. For the most part, mindfulness involves bringing your complete attention to your present experience on a moment-to-moment basis with acceptance and compassion. Using mindfulness, you can observe your physical, emotional, and mental experiences with kindness. You pay attention to whatever is happening in the moment, and you can use your sensory awareness to stay fully present. For example, when you wash the dishes, you can see and feel the soapy water on your hands. Taking a walk and noticing without judgment how life unfolds around you is another simple mindfulness practice. You can attend classes at UCLA Mindfulness Awareness Research Center (www.marc.ucla.edu) to learn more about mindfulness. The more you avoid getting entangled with the negative images and fantasies about your career, the more serenity you can experience on your journey toward becoming an accomplished artist.
There are times when, with help of an experienced guide, you can engage your imagination and have a dialogue with the images that come up for you. For some artists, it is necessary to understand the images that come from the inner world, which can help to know the self. Consciously dialoguing with the images of the unconscious is part of a process called ‘active imagination’. In his book Memories, Dreams, Reflections, Carl Jung provided an inside view of his own experience with active imagination. Jung had conversations with inner figures he encountered during the practice of active imagination, which felt intense yet enlightening for him.
Intuitions are also part of your inner stories, and they can guide you on your art-making path. The key is to not confuse intuitive messages with negative thinking. They come from different sources. Negative thoughts often come from an insecure place in your mind that needs healing. Intuition comes from a deep place inside you that is connected to a power greater than yourself. Everyone can improve his or her ability to receive guidance from the sacred place inside. A powerful practice for developing your intuition is meditation. When you quiet your mind, paying attention to your breathing and relaxing your body, you knock on your inner door. A door will open, and you can enter in a meditative space. In that quiet space, you are detached, listening to the song of stillness. You are experiencing a deep silence which purifies your mind. The more you visit this space, the more you can cleanse your mind. With each visit to your meditative space, you enter deeper and deeper into your soul. You get closer and closer to your real essence. Meditation can lead to finding your true voice and positively impact the way you relate to your art.
Your body never lies, and that is why it is important to pay attention to the sensations in your body. Your relationship to your artistic career can be experienced as bodily sensations. These sensations, like a story, can range from neutral and comforting to tense and distressing. As you think about your career path, you might notice tension in your body. Some people might sense tension in their shoulder or neck areas. By paying too much attention to distressing sensations in your body, you make yourself feel worse. One way to create more serenity in your body is to make neutral or pleasant sensations your total focus. The more you focus on the part of your body that is neutral or pleasant, the less you energize the distressing sensations. Somatic psychotherapy offers many tools that can help you work with the sensations in your body and liberate yourself from being trapped in negative bodily sensations. One must always check with his or her physician to rule out any underlying medical problems for distressing bodily sensations.
Finally, there are times when, no matter how hard you work as an artist, your art cannot support you in making a decent living. This is not an uncommon situation. Many artists use their non-art-related skills to support themselves. The need to support yourself and the need to fulfill your creative destiny do not need to be in conflict. Creating an opposition between these two legitimate needs is not helpful. You can make room for both of them in your life and let them work side by side to get you closer to the vision you have for your artistic career. It takes a great deal of patience, discipline, and good time management to work in a non-art-related profession while making time to follow your dream. It helps to be part of a supportive community of artists that help each other not feel alone in such journey. As a community, artists can unite, advocating that more funds and resources be made available to them to create art that ultimately enriches everyone’s lives.
© Dr. Payam Ghassemlou MFT, Ph.D. is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (Psychotherapist), in private practice in West Hollywood, California. www.DrPayam.com
He is the author of Fruit Basket: A Gay Man’s Journey. In his book, Dr. Payam Ghassemlou writes about the psycho-spiritual journey of a gay man named Javid, in which he struggles with homophobia and having a life purpose. Available on Amazon
Filed under: Counseling, Healing, interpersonal, LGBT, Love, Mindfulness, Psychotherapy, Relationship, Spirituality | Tags: Anxiety, Counseling, Ghassemlou, Healing, meditation, Psychotherapy, Rumi, West Hollywood
Practices for Healthy Living
By Payam Ghassemlou MFT, Ph.D.
In the mystical garden of life we are all one. Based on this principle of oneness, all the love and caring you give to yourself do not only nourish your life but also the life of all organisms on the planet. There are countless ways you can show love and kindness toward yourself and others. From personal experience and having over 20 years of training, experience, and research in the field of mental health, I have learned about simple practices which can nurture our mind, body, and soul. I am going to list some of them, each with a very brief description hoping to inspire my readers to use them.
Awareness of Breath
For start I encourage you to be conscious of your breathing. I cannot over emphasize the importance of being mindful of your breathing. Awareness of your breath is a simple practice that helps you to feel more connected to life. It can help you be in the moment and develop a deeper relationship with yourself. As you go through your busy day, don’t forget to bring attention to your breathing. Do it as much as you can remember. I just did it as I was writing this. It’s that easy.
Caring for the Planet
The state of the planet can directly impact our survival. By having a lifestyle that respects and protects the life of the planet we can protect our survival and as well as other species on Earth. I found this information contained in the following web site about loving and respecting the Earth: http://www.spiritualecology.org. A simple way to start loving our planet is to recycle. Recycling is a good habit. You can always contact your local city hall and obtain information on recycling.
Caring for the Animals
Animals need our love and protection. Loving and interacting with animals can have a positive impact on your mood. If you don’t have a pet to care for, you can always volunteer at an animal shelter in your town and do what you can to improve their quality of life. You can also join organizations that advocate for animal protection and want to stop mistreatment of animals.
Counseling / Psychotherapy
There are many compassionate therapists who are trained in helping people to heal from emotional pain. They can also help you to cope with your life challenging circumstances. You don’t have to face all your life challenges alone and in isolation. It takes a lot of courage to reach out and seek help. Participating in counseling with a mental health professional that you feel comfortable with can add meaning and vitality to your life. A helpful way to find a psychotherapist is by asking your physician to provide you with referral. You can also contact your health insurance company and ask them to locate a mental health provider near you.
Dancing
Rumi once said, “Whosoever knoweth the Power of the Dance dwelleth in God.” You can use dancing as one of your spiritual practices or just do it for the joy of it. Dancing is a good way to stay physically active and have fun at the same time. Your inner critic might try to convince you that you can’t dance and discourage you from trying. Just ignore the critical inner voice and dance.
Eating Healthy
Many people suffer from choosing unhealthy eating habits and cope up with their life challenges by over eating. Such eating habits can lead to many different health problems. Talk to your nutritionist and develop a healthy eating plan that is right for your body. Eating healthy can have a positive impact on your mood and help you feel good about yourself. Psychotherapy with focus on eating disorder can help people to understand why they act differently around food and how to overcome it.
Ethical Shopping
In a globalized economy like ours, many consumer goods ranging from coffee to cell phones produced in developing countries are utilizing cheap labor like child workers. These workers often work long hours, in unsafe environments, and without adequate wages. Advocacy for these workers can start with our decision on where to shop. You can visit this website www.laborrights.org for more information on this important issue.
Exercising
Before you get into any formal exercise program, check with your physician to make sure your body can handle it. Exercise can be as simple as taking a walk most days for at least 45 minutes. Its positive impact on mind and body has been extensively researched and documented. You just need to start this good habit of exercising and see for yourself. Those of us who live in Los Angeles need to take advantage of LA’s beautiful weather and get out and exercise. Especially, people who suffer from depression need to add exercise to their schedule.
Getting Help for Addiction
If you are abusing any kind of substances (e.g. street drugs, alcohol, pot, pills) or involve in addictive behaviors (e.g. sexual compulsion, over eating, gambling) get help. After over 20 years of working in the field of mental health, I have never met a single individual who reported to me about using drugs and alcohol, or that engagement in any addictive behaviors has improved their life. In fact to the contrary, I have listened to countless of stories from my patients who reported the devastating impact of addiction on their lives. There is hope and many people have recovered from addictions. You can find treatment programs through this web site: www.findtreatment.samhsa.gov/ . You can also attend 12-step meetings to get help for addiction.
Having Free Time
It is important to have free time to simply relax with no specific goal. Just have some down time and let your mind wander. It can be a nice break to help your brain to recharge.
Journaling
Writing in a journal can be so helpful especially when you are dealing with stressful issues. It can help you to organize the contents of your mind and avoid keep everything inside. Just like paying attention to your breathing, this can help you develop a deeper and more intimate relationship with yourself, journaling can help you do the same. This practice can also help you to gain a better perspective about challenges and issues you are writing about. Consider buying a note book and get into the habit of writing your thoughts and feelings. I recommend doing this few times in a week as a start.
Listening to Music
I once provided counseling for someone who was able to cope with almost any life difficulties through listening to music. I always admired his willingness to use music in such a helpful way. We can all benefit from listening to music for relaxation, inspiration or other helpful purposes. I recommend avoid listening to songs with violent lyrics. Such lyrics never lead to inner peace.
Laughter
Don’t forget to laugh. You don’t need a reason to laugh. Just start each morning with few minutes of laughing exercise. Laughter increases oxygen supply to body cells, and strengthening your immune system. It can energize you and create positive mental state. Visit: http://www.laughteryoga.org for more encouragement on laughter.
Massage
Anyone who had a good massage can tell you the benefit of it. Getting massage can release the tension in your body and relaxes you. Ask your local chiropractor for referral to a certified massage therapist.
Meditating
Decades of research on meditation has proven its overall positive impact on our mind and body. Meditation is about concentration, and it requires consistency in order to be effective. As you know there are many different kinds of meditation and I encourage you explore and find what works for you. One of the helpful meditations that I learned belongs to the Sufi path. Sufism embraces love as its focus. Deep in everyone’s heart there is a place of love and tranquility. Gently close your eyes and silently embrace that sacred place in your heart. Each time you notice any of your thoughts during this meditation you can merge them with the love you feel in your heart. Embracing love in your heart can ignite a powerful flame of love. That energy of love can be directed toward the soul of the world and be shared for the good of all.
Mindfulness
In the 1960s, Thich Nhat Hanh brought mindfulness to the attention of Westerners. Variety of mindfulness practices exist today and much of it was inspired by teachings from the East. For the most part, mindfulness involves bringing our complete attention to our present experience on a moment-to-moment basis with acceptance and compassion. With mindfulness we can observe our physical, emotional, and mental experiences with kindness. We pay attention to whatever is happening in the moment and we can use our sensory awareness to stay fully present. For example, when we wash the dishes we can see and feel the soapy water on our hands. Taking a walk and noticing without judgment how life unfolds around us is another simple mindfulness practice. My understanding of mindfulness is based on attending several classes at UCLA Mindfulness Awareness Research Center ( www.marc.ucla.edu ), studying literature, and many years of doing mindfulness practices. I highly recommend practicing mindfulness.
Playing
Playing is not just for children. Adults need to play too. When I play soccer I let that little boy in me to come out and have fun. It feels liberating to detach from the serious adult role and play. I also find it helpful to have hobbies and immerse myself in those hobbies. Start a hobby and see how it impacts your mood.
Positive Affirmation
Find affirmations or mantras that lift your spirit. You can influence your mood by reading to yourself positive affirmation that works for you. A good example of affirmation that you can practice on daily basis is, “I am grateful for all the blessings in my life.”
Practicing Yoga
An effective way to stay fit and reduce stress is by practicing yoga. There are many different styles of yoga and always check with your health care provider to make sure your body can handle practicing yoga.
Praying
Many people have their own personal understanding of God or Higher Power. Calling on to God of your understanding and offering Him or Her your gratitude or needs can be done through praying. You don’t have to be a member of any organized religion to pray. This practice is open to everyone who wants to invite Divine intervention into their lives. Praying is useful because it can help you to rely on a power greater than yourself to meet your life challenges. We can also pray for the well being of other people and the health of our planet. If you feel helpless about any situations in your life and running out of options, then pray for clarity. Hopefully, an insight will come to you to help you to resolve the issue.
Reading
As you know Knowledge is power, and reading books is a good way to empower oneself. Reading also helps to stimulate your brain and enhances your imagination. It always best to ask your therapist for book recommendation. She or he might be able to guide you toward the right book. Also don’t forget to support your local independent book store by shopping there. Here is a link to one: http://www.booksoup.com/
Restful Sleep
A good night sleep is essential for your good health. You might want to learn about sleep hygiene which involves developing practices that are necessary to have normal, quality nighttime sleep. One of the sleep hygiene measures that I found helpful is to maintain a regular sleep and wake pattern seven days a week. Other example of good sleep hygiene include not drinking coffee close to bed time, avoid eating at least two hours before going to bed, and stay away from emotionally upsetting conversations before trying to go to sleep. Finally, let your doctor know if you have trouble with sleeping. He or she can help you to determine the cause of it.
Seeing Your Doctor
This recommendation sounds like common sense, but many people who have access to health care deny themselves from getting their annual physical examination. Self-care involves seeing your doctor regularly and discussing your health. Many medical problems can be resolved by early detection and treatment. It is also important to be proactive and share any health related concerns you might have with your physician.
Be sure to ask your physician for vitamins and supplements recommendations. If you do not have physician then ask your psychotherapist for a referral.
Social Engagement
Having caring friends, socializing, and sharing life experiences with loved ones can help you avoid isolation. Nurturing people in your life can make you feel supported. Make sure to make time for your friends and let them know how much you value their friendships. Your friends or your significant other can’t read your mind so be sure to reach out let them know if you need support with anything. If you don’t have enough friends you can always strengthen your social support by participating in different activities that you like and meet new people.
Solitude
I once posted an article on my blog (http://drpayam1.blogspot.com/) explaining the benefits of solitude. Many of my readers gave me feedback about their positive experience with solitude. It was encouraging to know how much this practice can be helpful. Basically, all you need to do is to spend quality time with yourself by doing very little extroverted activities. Instead focus more on your inner world and bring your attention inward. Be aware of your thoughts, feelings, quality of your breath, bodily sensation, and whatever you might notice as you close your eyes and experience the present moment. Living in a fast pace city like Los Angeles you need time away from doing too much and experience some period of solitude. Balancing social engagement with solitude can help you to enjoy a balanced life.
Volunteering
Helping others through volunteer work is a very loving act. Display act of kindness toward others can have a positive impact on your mood. I have done many years of volunteer work for different non-profit organizations and I am always grateful for given the opportunity to be a service. Volunteer work can add to our sense of humility and make the world a better place.
Working with Your Dreams
When you wake up in the morning, write down what you dreamt about in your dream journal. Later you can come back to it and do some work with your dream. Dream work can be done formally with a help of your therapist and informally by sharing your dream with a trusted friend.
Since dreams are products of our unconscious, understanding them can increase our consciousness. Expanding our consciousness lead to a more gratifying and creative life. In his book, Inner Work, Robert Johnson, inspired by Carl Jung’s teaching, has described a helpful process on how to understand our dreams. Often content of our dreams might not make sense to us and that is why it is important to get help from experts.
Working with Your Emotions
Working with your emotions requires emotional management skills. We all can experience many different feelings each day. For example, feelings such as sadness, loss, fear, and anger are among many emotions we all can experience. By learning to effectively manage these feelings you can help yourself to avoid being overwhelmed by them. One of the ways you can work with your emotions is by sharing them with an empathic listener who can support you in understanding your feelings. A caring psychotherapist who is trained and experienced in dealing with emotions can be a good help in this process. Since emotions can make a difference in your ability to connect to your life experiences, working with them can be a key to fulfillment.
© Dr. Payam Ghassemlou MFT Ph.D. is a mental health counselor in private practice in West Hollywood, California. http://www.DrPayam.com
Filed under: Counseling, LGBT, Love, Psychotherapy, Relationship | Tags: Coming Out, Gay, Iran, LGBT, Persian
Coming Out for Gay and Lesbian Iranians
By Payam Ghassemlou MFT, Ph.D.
As a gay Iranian living in Los Angeles, I would like to do my part in bringing attention to the fear, shame and isolation that many gay Iranians (gay primarily refers to the entire LGBT community) experience living in Iran and overseas. Per my dialogue with other gay Iranians, who are still living in Iran or have recently escaped the country, and as noted in several news articles, countless number of gays have been tortured and persecuted by the Iranian government. It has been reported that undercover Iranian law enforcement has entrapment operations that arrest and execute suspected gay people in secret prisons. Despite extreme violence against gay people in Iran, many still risk their lives by trying to exercise their basic human needs to connect and build loving relationships. They are brave people for jeopardizing their lives this way.
The world knows that not only the gay population but Iran itself is a victim of oppression. With worldwide recognition, the 2009 uprising in Iran has gained respect internationally at the cost of many sacrificing their lives just to be differentiated from the regime of the current dictator, Khamenei. More international efforts are being called to help Iran.
Gay Iranians who live abroad are dealing with other sets of challenges, including the struggle to come out and live an authentic life. They may not deal with Iran’s oppressive government, but they still find themselves oppressed by both intrinsic and extrinsic homophobia. Growing up in a homophobic and heterosexist society contributes to the angst of shame and rejection that most gay Iranians experience. Heterosexism dictates only one kind of existence and it is being married to the opposite sex and raising children. Any deviation from such a traditional lifestyle is denounced by individuals and religious groups that patronize heterosexism. One can only imagine how it feels like for LGBT people to grow up in such societies.
Extrinsic homophobia that many gay people experience includes being bullied and called derogatory names, not having freedom to marry, getting fired from their job, being blamed for AIDS, and becoming victim of gay bashing. As long as gay people are subject to homophobic mistreatment, the fight to challenge homophobia needs to continue.
The remedy for the negative impact of homophobia and heterosexism is self acceptance. Learning to take pride in one’s gay identity is an important step toward healing. Pride and self-acceptance requires work and dedication which involves participation in gay-affirming counseling sessions, attending coming out groups, volunteering for gay pride events, reading self affirming books, and building friendships with other gay people.
Gay Iranians often deal with lack of family acceptance and support. Many Iranian families who migrated to the United States live in close knit communities. Most of which live in Southern California and are most commonly referred to as Persians. For the most part, the Persian community does not embrace gayness. Lack of acceptance by the community and by their family members make it very difficult for some gay Persians to come out. As an immigrant myself, I understand that having a strong relationship with one’s family and one’s community are vital in order to survive in a foreign country. Many gay Iranians live a double life as a way to avoid jeopardizing such vital support. Staying “in the closet” helps many gay Iranians avoid rejection from their family and their community, but it comes with a high price. Many closeted gay people resort to lying and hiding their true identity which later on can lead to negative feelings like dishonesty and disingenuous. Gay individuals need to obtain support in order to avoid remaining a victim of homophobia and live a double life.
Coming out involves a degree of differentiation and establishment of a personal identity outside one’s family. Another reason gay Iranians might have a harder time coming out is due to difficulty in having a different identity than what is expected from their own family. A traditional Iranian family is patriarchal, and the father is the undisputed head of the family. The mother tends to encourage her children to respect their father’s authority and seek his approval. For the most part, no one dares to question this system, sacrificing one’s needs to gain parental approval. In many Iranian family systems, there is no room to express one’s gay identity. In most Iranian families coming out is viewed as “bringing shame to their family.” It is not uncommon for Iranian parents suppress their gay children by using guilt factors like accusing them of being “namak nashnas” (Persian for ungrateful).
Even though Persians who migrated to the United States are very educated people, still many of them believe that being gay is a choice and one can always change. I disagree on the other hand. It has never been a matter of choice for me and my intention of coming out to my family during my early twenties is to have a real relationship with them and stop pretending.
Sadly, for some repercussions of “coming out” can entails family violence, homelessness or extreme financial burden. The decision to come “out of the closet” is a continuous process that requires support from other individuals who have relevant experiences. Each individual has to assess his or her personal safety before deciding to move forward and come out. No one should be pressured or forced to come out.
Iranian families, who are dealing with their children coming out, also go through a painful journey. Many parents raise their children hoping they would grow up “normal” as affirmed by the conservative society. They look forward to having grand children as a result of their children’s heterosexual union. “Coming out” can shatter such dreams for many parents. Support groups are encouraged to assist these parents who mourn the loss of their children’s perceived heterosexual identity. Parents would often blame themselves, and they find difficulty understanding that it is not merely a choice. We are born this way. The best thing Iranian families can do for their gay children is accepting and loving them with no judgment. There is no valid reason for families to fall apart.
Being gay is more about loving another human being and should never be judged as unnatural. PFLAG, Parents, Friends and Families of Lesbians and Gays, is a national non-profit organization that aims to provide families with moral support and counseling to address their issues.
Despite all the suffering that gay people worldwide, Iranians as well, have endured due to homophobia, many have overcome these challenges and live happy lives. “It does get better,” as the saying goes.
No one should be made to feel bad about his or her identity. Iranian people have a rich culture of poetry and mysticism that is filled with homoerotic stories and poems. We can look into our own rich literature for validation of gay love. We can stand together and help to liberate one another from the bondage of homophobia hoping someday none of us has to suffer for love.
© Payam Ghassemlou MFT Ph.D. is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (Psychotherapist) in private practice in West Hollywood, California. www.DrPayam.Com
Filed under: Climate Change, Healing, Love, Mindfulness, Spirituality | Tags: climate change, Earth, global warming, greenhouse effect, meditation
A Brief Reflection on Climate Change By Payam Ghassemlou Ph.D. 
Over twenty years ago when I started my career in mental health, it was rare to have psychotherapy sessions that involved hearing patients’ concerns about tsunamis, hurricanes, storms, and tornados. Today, more people are talking about climate change and its devastating impact on their lives or their loved ones. Many patients have shared with me how watching the horrible images of weather related catastrophes on the news have made them feel sad for the victims and worried about the future of the planet. I share their concerns as well. I am also deeply saddened about the mistreatment of the planet and exploitation of its natural resources which has contributed to the problem of climate change. I understand there are many reasons why we are experiencing more weather related catastrophes including the greenhouse effect which adds to the concentration of carbon dioxide in the Earth’s atmosphere. Since not enough work is being done to protect the planet from global warming, we all need to get ready for an unknown future. In psychotherapy, the concept of dealing with the future and its unknown reality comes up often. We don’t know what the future will bring, but we can learn how to accept change as part of the human existence and have enough humility to learn from it. Many politicians and policy makers who don’t believe in the science of climate change often deny the fact that the frequency and severity of recent extreme weather events is caused by it. We are being warned by many scientists that life as we know it today is changing. Those of us who listen and hear the cry of the Earth cannot ignore the pain that has been inflicted on the planet by greed driven consumerism. Many of us grieve along with the planet and do what we can to help. No one can predict with certainty what ten years from now is going to look like. There are scientists who believe we are passed the tipping point. Those of us who love and respect the Earth and witness its torment can ask for divine intervention. In a hopeless situation we can look for the light of Truth. Humanity cannot solve the problem of climate change with the same consciousness that created it. We as people need to look deep within our own hearts and look for a new light that can guide us out of such impending doom of climate change. As long as we are distracted with our Facebook defriending dramas or following celebrities’ tweets, we won’t be able to hear the cry of the Earth. The new born babies deserve a better future, and we owe it to them to make that happen. As the unknown future with climate change unfolds, let’s keep the Earth in our heart during meditation. I hope going within and practicing meditation based on love and kindness with the soul of the planet in our awareness can trigger an awakening of a new healing energy that might provide a brighter future.
© Dr. Payam Ghassemlou MFT, Ph.D., is a marriage and family therapist in private practice in West Hollywood, California. www.DrPayam.com . As a writer, he explores topics like gay issues, spirituality, and psychology. In this eBook, Fruit Basket, he shares the psycho-spiritual journey of a gay man’s struggle with a life purpose.
By
Payam Ghassemlou MFT, Ph.D.
Depression is common and treatable. It can strike anyone at any age. Consulting with your physician or a licensed mental health provider is the best way to find out if you suffering from depression and the type of depression you might be having.
A person with depression can experience a few or many of the followings:
Feelings of sadness and emptiness
Feelings of anxiety
Experiencing restlessness or irritability
Losing interest in all or most activities
Problems with appetite that can lead to weight gain or weight loss
Sleeping problems
Loss of interest in sex
Low energy that can include feeling tired much of the time
Difficulty with concentration or making decisions
Feeling negative toward oneself including worthlessness or excessive guilt
Feeling hopeless or helplessness
Crying spills
Increased use of alcohol or drug use in order to cope with depressed mood
Thoughts of death / Suicidal Ideations
Many people might not have the awareness that the underlying cause of the many above mentioned symptoms is depression; therefore, they won’t get the treatment they need. It is difficult to treat something that one has not identified it yet. Over time, serious levels of depression that are not treated get worse and can lead to other health-related issues. It can even lead to suicide.
There are different kinds of depression; therefore, one person’s treatment needs will differ from someone else. The most common treatments for clinical depression involve a combination of antidepressants and psychotherapy (talk therapy). Many experts in the field believe that depression can involve imbalances in neurotransmitters, the chemicals in the brain that affect nerve-cell communication. Antidepressants are often prescribed in order to correct these chemical imbalances. Psychotherapy can help with resolving or coping with issues that may contribute to the patient’s depression. Some patients who fail to respond to standard treatments for depression might need additional resources.
In my counseling work with people who suffer from depression I often notice that they have an inner critic which constantly makes them feel discouraged, inadequate and in many cases worthless. When the inner critic is the dominant voice inside a person, depression is likely to be present. Identifying the inner critic can be done by encouraging patients to pay attention to their inner dialogues. Inner dialogue involves the way a person talks to herself or himself and the quality of this dialogue can impact a person’s mood. For example negative exchanges that take place inside a person’s mind such as, “I can never do anything right,” or “I know I am going to lose my job” can make the person feel inadequate and anxious.
Helping people to become aware of the emotional impact of their inner dialogues can help them to have greater emotional awareness. There are many ways to work with negative inner dialogues and painful emotions that accompanying them. As a psychotherapist, I find it helpful to explore different treatment options in partnership with my clients. A collaborative approach helps people in therapy to feel in control of their recovery from depression.
Working with a licensed mental health therapist to explore treatment options for depression is an important step toward healing. I hope anyone who is suffering from depression reaches out and gets the help they need.
© Payam Ghassemlou MFT Ph.D. is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (Psychotherapist) in private practice in West Hollywood, California. http://www.DrPayam.Com.
Your mind is often busy focusing on one concern or another. Sometimes you might be dealing with remorse about the past, and other times you might be worrying about the future. In addition, you can have thoughts of regret, resentment, and feelings of insecurity which can all be part of your mental activities. Not to mention some of your painful memories from the past or dreams about the future. Sometimes your mind, like a chatter box, can involve critical inner dialogues which can lessen your enjoyment of life. All these are part of your mental process. It makes sense to learn how to stop listening to the chatter box, and grow beyond your ordinary mental activities.
Worrying and ruminating about real or perceived life problems is common because scientific research on the human brain shows that it is constantly scanning the environment for threats to physical and emotional safety. Also, the brain gives shorter notice to positive experiences, usually only two to three seconds before moving on to the next thought. The negativity bias of the brain coupled with rumination about our problems can lead to anxiety, depression, and an overall pessimistic view of life. Fortunately, this is not a hopeless situation because you can learn to grow beyond the activity of the mind. As the Persian poet Rumi stated, “Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field. I will meet you there.”
When you grow beyond identifying with the activities of your mind, you can reach a loving open field. In this free space, you are not your thoughts, your intense emotions, and your memories, and yet you are mindfully aware of them. You can mindfully observe your inner dialogue and issues that go through your mind and yet you are not trapped by them. In such an infinite space, you can experience life from a place of clarity where you don’t let your focus move toward unhealthy habits and behaviors. This loving open field is not just another state of mind to get to. It is a way of being.
How can you reach a state of being that is beyond the activity of your mind? There is no such thing as one size fits all when it comes to personal growth. Everyone is unique. Everyone needs to discover their own path to enlightenment or personal growth. In this brief article, I attempt to offer what I have learned from Sufi poets and teachers, mindfulness practices, and Jungian psychology when it comes to taming the busy mind. The goal is not stop thinking or feeling, but to choose which thoughts and emotions deserve our attention. We can develop a new consciousness of being watchful of our mental activities and decide whether to focus on something or letting it go.
Given we live in a world that focuses heavily on “I think, therefore I am,” as stated by Rene Descartes, it would be difficult to imagine going beyond our thinking and focus on being. It can be done because others have done it.
As a start, imagine you are sitting in your living room and noticing without any judgments all the objects in the room. For example, you notice the couch, TV, coffee table and few other things and at the same time you are aware of your presence in the room. You are aware that you are noticing all the furniture in the room and yet you are separate from them. You do not over identify with any object in your living room. You are not judging them, analyzing them or making story about them. You are completely detached and at the same time present. I like you to use the same concept as you witness your mind activities. You are looking at your thoughts and emotions going through your mind without judging them and over identifying with any of them. You do not define yourself by them. You are the one who is aware of them, and you can use your will power to choose how much attention you like to give anything going through your mind.
You can enrich this practice of witnessing your mind by inviting your heart to participate in the process. Your heart is a place of connection to love, Divine Oneness, Higher Power, God, Universal Compassion or anything comforting that feels true to you. You can activate the feeling of love in your heart by remembering a heartfelt experience and focus on that. The tool that you have in this process is your focus. “Whatever you focus on, it becomes your reality.” In other words, “You energize anything that you give your attention to it.” So why not energize the love in your heart. You might not be able to stop your mind from producing thoughts, but you can fill the spaces between your thoughts with energy of love. The marriage between the heart and the mind can give birth to a new way of being.
To summarize, you notice your mind as if you are standing in a train station and watching each train of thoughts and/or emotions going by without getting on the train. Instead, you can direct your attention to the love in your heart. You can do that one day at the time, and experience having a new consciousness in partnership with your heart. Welcome to a new way of Being.
© Dr. Payam Ghassemlou MFT, Ph.D., is a marriage and family therapist in private practice in West Hollywood, California. http://www.DrPayam.com
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